Laugh: quotes and jokes

"The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter." Mark Twain


"The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never ceases to be amused." Shirley MacLaine


For those of you who like philosophy:
Rene Descartes walks into a resturant and sits down for dinner. The waiter comes over and asks if he'd like an appetizer
"No thank you" says Descartes, "I'd just like to order dinner"
"Would you like to hear our daily specials?" asks the waiter
"No" says Descartes, getting impatient
"Would you like a drink before dinner?" the waiter asks
Descartes is insulted, since he's a tee-totaler
"I think not!" he says indignantly, and POOF! he disappeared.


For those of you who speak Spanish, this is one my sister sent me:
En una panaderia habia un bolillo y una concha que iban a tener una competencia para ver quien vendia mas, el primer dia la concha desperto temprano y estaba bailando y cantando "la concha, la cocha". Y gano la concha el primer dia. El bolillo dijo que el siguente dia se iba a ganr. El siguente dia la concha desperto temprano y bailaba y cantaba "la concha, la concha" y gano la concha. El bolillo se enojo y disparo a la concha. La concha empezo a cantar y bailar "la dona, la dona"


For those who have strong opinions about Guiness:

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."


Cannibal Jokes
Did you hear about the cannibal who dumped his girlfriend? He also passed his friends.
What did the cannibal's wife give him when he came home late for dinner? The cold shoulder.
Do you know why cannibals don't eat charismatic Christians? They keep throwing up their hands.


A joke that always amuses me
So there are two muffins in the oven. One muffin says, "it sure is getting hot in hear." The other muffin yells, "Ahhh a talking muffin."


I hope you all got a couple of laughs. If you have a favorite joke post it so we can all enjoy it.