Last night my roommate and I went shopping for a Christmas tree. A helpful young man hoping for a tip quickly helped us select a tree and sent us on our way to pay for it. We bought some lights and decorations for we decided a theme tree was what we wanted. Arriving home we thought it would be simple process to get the tree set up and decorate it. What we forgot to do, which some of you might have spotted already, is get the stump cut. We could have got it done while we were at the store, but it slipped our mind and our helpful attendant didn't consider it either. So what are we to do?
Being the enterprising women that we are, we pulled out our tools and got down to the business of cutting the stump of our tree. For round number one I held down the tree and my roommate grabbed her trusty survival knife with a serrated blade and started sawing with a will. In no time at all she had sawed through the bark all the way around the stump and then the real work began. With each push and pull of the knife saw dust fell onto the paper towel placed over the carpet. After a little bit I took my turn. Pulling, pushing, and rotating the tree so that we could cut all around it.
This became more difficult as the saw started to bind as the cut deepened. Round two of our stump cutting endeavor we placed the very end of the stump on a plastic storage container so that we gained more leverage. This was immensely helpful for a little while and we made some more progress, but once again the saw became less effective with each stroke.
Enter stage three which for me was the most fun. With a flourish, I pulled my machete out of its leather scabbard. I planted one foot securely on the tree, gripped the hilt with the carved eagle head and with precise blows sent pine chips flying around the house. Now we began to make some real progress. We took a couple of turns and my roommate severed the end of the stump and with triumph held it up and exclaimed, "I am a woman, hear me roar!"
Our living room was littered with wood chips, saw dust, and pine needles. We put the tree in the stand, cleaned up and decorated it. Now we have a lovely red, white and gold decorated tree shining graciously in the corner. This is a straightforward account of what happened and I am afraid it excludes all of the giggling and jokes at our own expense. We took picture breaks to document this event and would often have to stop our industrious efforts because we were laughing so hard. I'm really glad we didn't have the attendant at the store slice of the stump with whir of an electrical saw. We had much more fun doing it with our knives and created lasting memories. We decided that next year we are ready to take our survival knife and machete and cut down our own tree now that we have practiced on our tree stump.